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“Richard” said Bob Blobluto, “This is Bob Blobluto.” “Oh hi Bob!” said Richard Widemouth in a voice that sounded genuinely surprised, “How’s that can coming along?” “It’s full. 85 percent “76 trombones”, 10 percent “Theme from Rocky” five percent warm up and tuning.” replied Bob Blobluto. “It’s all out of my Salvation Army BB flat contrabass trombone“Yeah cool. I gotta get a label made up. When can I pick the can up?” asked Richard Widemouth in a brotherly voice that reeked of condescension.“Well,” replied Bob Blobluto “I’m getting ready to jack off. Stop over after four. I’ll be done slappin’ the hog by then.”“Cool!” Said Richard Widemouth “I’ll hook you up with this dude Leroy Shempkowski. He jams a mean “Theme from Rocky” and he’s learning “76 Trombones”. He wants to jam with you.”“Cool” said Bob Blobluto “I’d suck on his seed blaster too, unless he’s a fat ass.”“Oh, he’s not fat” offered Richard Widemouth in a voice that cracked with a custard sound. “He’d let you slurp on his. They'd appear quickly enough if I tried to do or say anything outof turn. For all I knew, the whole audience was in on the scheme totorment me and the other poor saps who'd been lured here, then seized andforcibly feminised.I briefly considered making another joke about my sexual exploits, butquickly decided I'd done more than enough on that theme. So better toplay it a little safer, while still sticking with the persona I wastrying to project."Well, you know, I'm very lucky to look the way I do - and I have a lotof people to thank for that. So I guess I'd just like to make the most ofmy looks while I have them - in whatever way I can." It wasn't particularinspired, but it had the merit of being largely true - plus I paired itwith what I hoped was a winning smile. The audience seemed to like itwell enough, and I walked off the stage to applause and a few more wolfwhistles.The guard who had escorted me to the test was waiting backstage. "Funnyfucker, aren't you?" she growled as she.
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